Raising kids today comes with a lot of challenges. One of the most important skills you can teach your child is how to handle frustration. Learning to cope with frustration is crucial for their emotional growth, social interactions, and overall ability to deal with life’s ups and downs.
What Is Frustration Tolerance?
Frustration tolerance is the ability to stay calm and think clearly when things don’t go as planned. For kids, this might mean not getting upset when they lose a game, can’t have a toy they want, or when plans change unexpectedly.
Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, explains that frustration tolerance is a key part of emotional intelligence. Kids who learn to manage frustration tend to be more resilient, better problem-solvers, and have stronger relationships .
How Technology Affects Frustration Tolerance
The use of smartphones and tablets has changed the way kids experience frustration. These devices often provide instant gratification—whether through games, videos, or social media—which can make it harder for kids to deal with situations that require patience.
Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that too much screen time can lead to irritability and poor emotional control in children. When kids are used to getting what they want right away from a screen, they may struggle more with waiting or handling disappointment in real life .
Dr. Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology, points out that when kids spend too much time on screens, they miss out on activities that build frustration tolerance, like playing with friends, spending time outdoors, or doing tasks that require focus .
Why Frustration Tolerance Matters in Social Settings
Being able to handle frustration is especially important when kids interact with others. Children who manage frustration well are better at resolving conflicts, sharing, and maintaining friendships. They’re less likely to act out or withdraw when things get tough.
On the other hand, kids with low frustration tolerance might struggle in social situations. This can lead to arguments with peers and difficulty forming lasting friendships. Dr. Kenneth Barish, a clinical professor of psychology, emphasizes that learning to cope with frustration is key to developing empathy and cooperation, which are vital for healthy social relationships .
Photo by Kelly Sikkema
Tips for Parents: Helping Kids Build Frustration Tolerance
- Be a Role Model: Kids learn by watching you. Show them how you handle frustration calmly and positively.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Let your child know that it’s normal not to get everything they want. Encourage them to see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
- Promote Problem-Solving: Instead of solving problems for your child, guide them to think through solutions on their own. This builds their confidence and independence.
- Limit Screen Time: Set limits on how much time your child spends on electronic devices. Encourage activities that require patience and focus, like reading or playing outside.
- Practice Patience Together: Engage in activities that naturally involve waiting, like cooking or gardening. This helps your child understand that some things take time and effort.
- Praise Effort: Focus on the effort your child puts in, not just the outcome. This helps them develop a growth mindset and resilience in the face of frustration.
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Teaching kids to handle frustration is essential for their emotional and social development. In a world where instant gratification is common—especially with the rise of digital technology—it’s more important than ever for parents to actively teach resilience. By helping your child build frustration tolerance, you’re equipping them with the tools they need to succeed and thrive in life.
Cover photo by Xia Yang